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| Sandra Bizzle Bateman 10/12/42 - 02/25/13 |
Wiki How has a very basic description with seven steps to help the novice planner like me. Additionally, Funeral Helper is a wonderful database of information for those planning funeral and/or memorial services.
The first thing I did was to contact the church and speak with the minister who would be performing the service. We agreed on a date and then met to discuss the basic outline and liturgy used by my mother's denomination. The minister was very helpful, giving me a sample program with suggested readings and hymns.
Suggested readings may depend on your faith, your denomination, and the preference (if known) of the deceased. We had readings from both the old and new testaments. The most popular reading is the 23rd Psalm. Scripture from the book of John and Revelations is also frequently used. When you are planning the scripture reading, this is a good time to ask members of the family if they would like to read one of the scriptures. It's a nice way to involve family without asking them to come up with what they will say. Plus, when you're emotional, it's easier to read something than to try to compose thoughts to say. In addition to readings, there will be a eulogy. Others may wish to speak as well. In some services, only the minister speaks. In ours, the minister spoke briefly and my siblings and I each spoke. After we were done, the minister opened the pulpit for others to come share their thoughts. As the minister told me, it is the only time people will get a chance to stand up and share with others how they loved the deceased. How could we deny them that? I was so glad we took his advice. One woman who worked with my mom told the most wonderful story of my mom's compassion and professionalism. Without the invitation, only the immediate family may have heard that story.
Another thing to consider when planning a memorial is the music. Some commonly used hymns include, "Amazing Grace", "It Is Well with My Soul", "All Things Bright and Beautiful", and "How Great Thou Art". In addition to hymns, you may choose to have a secular song played and/or performed. My mother really wanted Simon & Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" played. As it turned out, my 26 year old nephew performed the song on guitar. His rendition, while different, was wrought with meaning, emotion, and love. When he sang, "Sail on silver girl...", I knew he had left us momentarily and was singing to my mom. It was breathtakingly beautiful.
Most churches now have multimedia systems with large screens, so it is only natural that many memorial services now include a multimedia presentation. I chose to make one from photos of my mother. After sending out an all-call email to anyone and everyone who might have photos of my mom, I began scanning what I had. This is when my brother introduced the family to Drop Box. It's a photo sharing website that syncs with your mobile devices and your computer. You can "invite" others to view your photos (and videos). No more burning photos and videos to disc! Many people who viewed the presentation I made remarked at how it was the perfect length. Some presentations go on for two or three songs. This is apparently too long. I chose to use the song, "You Raise Me Up" by Selah. It is 5:02, the perfect amount of time for about 85 photos. I created my presentation in Keynote on my Mac, but PowerPoint works fine, too. Make sure you save it as a Quick Time movie on a DVD so that it can be played at the location of your service. Be sure to check with the church to find out if they can show a presentation and whether or not a sound person will be there to help.
Don't forget the flowers! My mother loved flowers, but we were on a budget so we opted for three large arrangements instead of lots of flowers all over the place. Keep in mind that Lilies are the most commonly used flowers in memorial arrangements, but their perfume can be overpowering. You may want to check with family members about any known allergies. Think about what flowers and colors the deceased may have preferred.
Memorial services are usually followed by receptions where some kind of refreshments are served. Be sure to ask the church if they use a specific caterer. I asked and was surprised to hear they could recommend a gentleman whose food and service were VERY reasonably priced and EXCELLENT! Our caterer told us that most people order too much food for these events, so we opted for light snack style foods that would feed half as many as we expected. People tend to snack nervously and habitually rather than out of hunger at receptions following memorial services. So having lots of "snacky" foods is a good idea. We also requested that we provide Coca Cola since that was my mom's favorite beverage. This was my son's idea, "Mom, we can't have a reception without Coke for Miss Sandy!". It was a great idea that our caterer gladly accommodated. Just ask!
The last thing we did was make a display board with some of the photos I used for the presentation. I bought a three-tiered display board like you use for a science fair and the night before the service, my family gathered to pour over the photos, remember some great times, and arrange them for the display. It was a nice way of remembering and healing.
Be sure to send thank you notes to the people who made time to remember your loved one and support you in your time of grief. If the church or funeral home does not offer a guest book, be sure to have someone pick one up at a stationery store, such as Hallmark. Thanks to my sister-in-law for this! I would have completely forgotten about it had it not been for her!
So there you go. I could go on about the meals you may want to plan for the family that's coming in from out of town, or the fact that although it's environmentally irresponsible to use paper plates and plastic cups/utensils all weekend, it's worth the headache it will save you, but I'll save that. A lot has happened since my mom passed and we gathered for her memorial. We had Easter, illnesses, travel dance competitions, and a new driver in the house. So as I said that day, "Be with your family. Go and make memories."
